Time to process & let go...part 4

G'day Dad,

Looking over your photos, I realise that we share something similar- fluctuating girths! In a way, it's kinda good to know where I get my insane love affair with food from. Alas, the negative is that I  have inherited your higher cholesterol. Seems I can't have my cake and eat it too. Probably a good thing!

Meeting you didn't just show me that I was always loved. It wasn't just to bless the girls and I with an inheritence. It helped me understand me. I believe the bible and when God says that He knew me before I was formed in secret; that tells me that he chose my parents too. I can see so much of myself in you that it's scary. Some of it, I admit, I don't want. I don't want to eat so much rich food that I develop early heart problems as you did. I don't want to isolate because life has been harder than I had hoped at times. I don't want to wait until it's too late to fulfil my dreams. These things I can control. I choose to break that genetic influence off my life and my mind.

I'm currently hating almost every second of my Retail course at Tafe. I'm glad I have a congested head that has kept me home for a day and a half. However, I will stick it out, because even though retail isn't my dream and a Uni degree is, I've got to think of ways of working smarter until I graduate that don't hurt my body like cleaning and child care do.

Uni is amazing- it's like 'jumping out of a plane' type of learning for me-it's exhilerating. I can go wherever I want with a degree, so I'm going to travel, write, create and meet people from all over the world! So excited! I never thought of myself as brave enough to be this person. Well, guess what- I am!

I now need to be brave enough to stick to a healthy eating regime. I can jump out of a plane, embark on Uni, dive with sharks, yet I stumble with food- a long time faithful friend. It annoys me how easily it lures me back. Really, why do I keep a friendship with someone who doesn't have my best interests at heart, costs me clothing, self esteem and my health? Enough I say!

So, Dad, my promise to you, and myself is that I'm not going to be held back anymore. You're already proud of me, I know. But this little gals got way more planned. I've got to make something of my art, my writing and my passion to communicate and connect with people through my craft. Lets hope that replaces my boredom, lonliness and excuses to eat. It also scares me that you had a heart attack in your late forties. I can change that reality for my life-by my daily choices.

Talk soon,

Marija x