Rubyvale

I don't want to go. There is a deep dread in my heart. The only thing I can think to do is escape to the beach after I drop the girls off. I obeyed this thought, driving directly there and parking near the 4WD access. I  walked to the edge of a small dune and stood, closing my eyes. A beautiful aroma weaves around me, from the bowls club no doubt; the evening meals for eager guests were being created. This mingles with the salty swell, creating quite an intoxicating mix. It also calms me. This is so comfortable, secure, familiar, even welcoming. I opened my eyes to study the life around me; gulls hovering above the pounding waves, a lone jogger, couples and families walking together. Beyond the immediate, I look at the waves breaking on the reef. How I wish I was diving there now. Or on a boat. Either of these options tempts my eager heart. Flying out to Emerald, hiring a car and driving out to Rubyvale does not. Yet, there is no escape. I have to. Simple as that.

The last time I went out there, the smell of death still filled the house. This time, the  culprit was a lone possum, though this still added a haunting reminder of the events of the previous year, not to mention a foul odour. The heat, oppressive loneliness and painful memories, or, lack of positive memories permeate every aspect of the house and property. These overwhelm me. Still, I carry something stronger inside beyond my faith; I carry honour, and that force will help me stand tall, present the house at its best and give the opportunity for life to re-enter its long barren walls. I owe my father that much.

Before I leave the beach, I inhale deeply and purposely allow myself to remember this moment and fill my mind with peace, shedding all fear and apprehension. This will be a great trip- I will see to that, because my attitude comes with me. I decide now to take optimism.